Dear Ian & Bonner,
First and foremost, Merry Christmas! This is the most wonderful time of the year, or rather it should be! I type this tonight from a heart of sadness for some reason and I have no idea why. One day, I might even regret putting my thoughts down on paper, but you know I have never really held back. The agreement with your dad about Christmas was set in my mind the night everything exploded between us... in my fury, I wrote down a list of things that were vitally important to me and my soul and at the top of that list was “having the kids on Christmas morning!” As a mom, you just inherently want to see the surprised, excited, joyful eyes on your children’s faces come Christmas morning and I vowed to fight for that from day one. It’s probably a ridiculous notion, especially as you have gotten older; but, it’s still something I cling to and value beyond what words can explain!
When I first started the process of negotiating the separation between your dad and I, I told the attorney my request - each year, it would be consistent. You would be with your dad December 17 thru 24 and then I would have you from 24th until school started back. It seemed both fair and reasonable to me at the time because your dad told me once “I can never miss a Christmas Eve with my family because that is our special day.” I added the detail that your dad could come visit Christmas morning to make it even more fair - especially since I know that it’s important for you to see him on the special day, too.
And, honestly, the agreement worked fine for 5 years and then last year, your dad asked if he could get you for a couple of hours instead of coming over in the morning. He even offered for me to get you a couple hours earlier one Christmas Eve which was very nice. I talked to you both about it & you said “Let’s try it this year, mom.” So we did and when you got home, you both said “That was too much coming and going, mom. I don’t want to do that next year.”
You mentioned a couple of weeks ago that your dad had said something about your coming back to his house on Christmas Day and I reminded you both of how you felt last year. Ian still wanted to try it this year, but Bonner, wasn’t too sure. I never heard anything from your dad so I actually figured you had made other plans with him this past week while you were together.
But then this Christmas Eve morning, I got the following message from your dad:
The children have asked to be able to come over tomorrow afternoon. Would it be possible to trade the Christmas morning for me to pick them up at 12:45 and bring them back around 5?
I must admit that I was actually surprised with his gutsiness - not offering anything in return and asking to take you for the meat of the day. I didn’t reply immediately for one reason and only one reason - I was afraid that when he read my response that he would take it out on you and I was trying to avoid that. I figured if I could just respond on my way over to pick you up that I might be able to protect you and your emotions. Unfortunately, he texted me later in the day to ask me if I accepted this proposal so I responded with:
Sorry, we have been gone all day. I’m sorry but I just can’t make that happen tomorrow. You are welcome to come over in the morning at your convenience.
Well, he didn’t like that answer and responded with:
You have disappointed your children. They have been talking about coming over here tomorrow to see their Santa stuff all week. They said that you had agreed.
So, please let me apologize for disappointing you. I am truly sorry, but I made my decision based on the fact the request was not reasonable and not respectful of my time with you. I thought that your being gone 4+ hours on Christmas Day was too much - especially since you have been with him the past week. If he had asked me to get you for a couple of hours and then said “when it’s convenient for you”, I would have probably obliged; however, that wasn’t how he presented it. And, honestly, because he waited until today to even discuss it, I thought it was extremely rude. He has known for the past 364 days that tomorrow is Christmas and he would want you at his house at some point. I want you to know that I didn’t just disregard his request out of spite or anger or anything other than what I have typed here - the request was too much to ask, in my opinion.
The first question you asked, Bonner, when we came to pick you up tonight was “Why didn’t you agree to dad’s request about us coming over here tomorrow?” I replied “Do you know how long he asked to have you?” You both said “No!” I said “from 12:45 until 5 o’clock.” You both quickly replied “Oh no, that’s way too long!” I agree!
I have the feeling your dad is going to fight to get the rules changed and I fear that there will be a Christmas morning in the future where I don’t get to see your excited, joyful eyes first thing on that special day. Until then, though, I will pray and trust God will protect my heart and my emotions and that He will protect yours, too! I love you so very much!
Love,
Moomy
